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Understanding Codependency

Written on April 5, 2023
Understanding Codependency

Codependency is a type of unhealthy relationship pattern where one person becomes overly focused on the needs and problems of another person, to the point where their own needs and well-being are neglected. This can lead to an imbalance of power in the relationship and can be emotionally and mentally damaging for both people involved.

It is often associated with relationships where one person is struggling with addiction or mental health issues and the other person becomes enmeshed in their problems, trying to fix or control them. Codependency can also occur in other types of relationships, such as parent-child or teacher-student relationships. It is important to remember that it is normal and healthy to want to help and support others, but it is important to maintain healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care in any relationship.

Signs of Codependency

There are a number of signs that someone may be in a codependent relationship:

  • Difficulty setting boundaries: A person in a codependent relationship may have difficulty saying no or setting limits with the other person.
  • Loss of identity: The person may lose sight of their own interests, goals, and values, and instead become solely focused on the other person and their needs.
  • Difficulty with communication: The person may have trouble expressing their own feelings and needs, or may have difficulty standing up for themselves.
  • Feelings of responsibility for the other person’s feelings and actions: The person may feel like they have to take care of the other person and fix their problems.
  • Lack of trust in self: The person may have low self-esteem and may not trust their own judgment or decision-making abilities.
  • Fear of abandonment: The person may be afraid of being alone or rejected, and may stay in the relationship even if it is unhealthy.
  • Extreme sacrifice: The person may make significant sacrifices for the other person, to the point where it is damaging to their own well-being.

It is important to note that these behaviors can be a normal part of some relationships, but if they are extreme or are causing problems in the relationship, it may be a sign of codependency.

Codependency and Addiction Recovery

Codependency can be a significant issue for people in recovery from addiction. Often, the codependent person’s sense of self-worth is tied up in being needed by the other person and helping them with their problems. When the other person is in recovery and working to become independent, the codependent person may feel threatened or unsure of their own identity and may struggle with the changes in the relationship.

In recovery, it is important for both people to work on establishing healthy boundaries and building a sense of independence. The person in recovery should focus on taking care of themselves and working on their own recovery, while the codependent person should work on building their own sense of self-worth and learning how to support the other person in a healthy way. It may be helpful for both people to seek individual therapy to address any underlying issues and to learn healthy communication and coping skills.

Treating Codependency

There are several approaches that can be helpful in treating codependency:

  • Therapy: Individual therapy or counseling can be an effective way to address the underlying issues and patterns of behavior that contribute to codependency. A therapist can help the person work on improving their self-esteem, setting healthy boundaries, and developing a stronger sense of identity.
  • Support groups: Joining a support group such as Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) can be helpful in learning about codependency and how to overcome it. Being part of a group of people who are facing similar issues can provide a sense of belonging and support.
  • Education: Learning about codependency and how it develops can be an important step in overcoming it. Reading books or articles on the subject and learning about healthy relationship dynamics can be helpful.
  • Self-care: It is important for the person to prioritize their own well-being and make sure they are taking care of their own needs. This may involve setting aside time for self-care activities such as exercise, hobbies, or relaxation.
  • Setting boundaries: One of the key elements of overcoming codependency is learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This may involve setting limits on how much time and energy the person is willing to devote to the other person, and learning how to say no when necessary.

It is important to note that overcoming codependency can be a challenging process and may involve making significant changes in the way the person thinks and behaves. It is often helpful to have the support of a therapist or a support group as the person works through these changes.

CRAFT groups for addressing codependency

Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) is a type of therapy that is designed to help family members and loved ones of people who are struggling with addiction. The goal of CRAFT is to help the loved ones develop the skills they need to effectively communicate with and influence the person who is struggling with addiction, in a way that encourages them to seek treatment.

CRAFT groups typically involve education about addiction and the role of the family in the recovery process, as well as training in specific communication and problem-solving skills. These groups can be helpful in addressing codependency because they teach the loved ones how to set healthy boundaries and take care of themselves, while still providing support for the person with addiction. They also provide a supportive environment where loved ones can learn from others who are facing similar challenges and find ways to cope with the difficult emotions that often come with being in a relationship with someone who is struggling with addiction.

Flatirons Recovery offers multiple CRAFT groups which our free and open to the community. Call us or visit our family support page for more information.